just sharin with men

**heidi!** · May 25th, 2003, 05:09 PM

If you think our best friend is hot, DON'T tell us about it.

DON'T ask for a threesome.

DON'T drool on our chins while kissing. There is only so much chapstick in the world.

DON'T jam your tongue so deeply into our ears that they start to ring.

DO lick the outside of our ears gently.

DO NOT say ignorant things that kill the mood. (i.e.: You know, licking nipples is kind of like licking nine volt batteries)

DO compare the taste/scent of our bodies to desirable tasting foods. (i.e.: peaches, cream, cherries, etc.) Try to make your voice sound all husky when you say it.

DO NOT lap at our genitals like a little kitty lapping at a saucer of milk.

DO remember the two following words: Speed and Pressure.

Instead of sticking your slimy, nasty tongue into us, why not move UP just a tad?

DON'T stop to ask, "Did you cum?" If you have to ask, it didn't happen.

After doing the above, DON'T ask "How many times?"

After doing the above, DON'T be surprised when we roll our eyes and say, "Oh, TONS of times honey, TONS."

NEVER assume that we don't want oral.

When we're taking care of business down south, DO NOT grab us by the hair and jam our heads down until we gag...unless you like puke on your dick.

DO volunteer to help keep our hair our out of our faces.

DO NOT pretend not to know which hole is which. If we say no anal sex, we mean no anal sex. If we give anal the thumbs up, lube up and quit playing dumb.

Now is not a good time to call us 'Mommy.'

In fact, it's NEVER a good time to call us 'Mommy.'

DO NOT freak out if you find our vibrators. If it wasn't for them, we probably would have dumped you by now.

Are you wondering if it makes you less of a man if you can't get your woman off? Well, I'm here to reassure you that:

That's exactly what it means.

**demon chloe** · May 25th, 2003, 07:41 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size=2 face="Tempus Sans ITC, Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><table border="0" width="90%" bgcolor="#333333" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="0"><tr><td width="100%"><table border="0" width="100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" bgcolor="#FF9900"><tr><td width="100%" bgcolor="#7063B5"><font size=2 face="Tempus Sans ITC, Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by heidi!:

DO lick the outside of our ears gently.

</font></td></tr></table></td></tr></table></BLOCKQUOTE>

~shiiiiiver

HEidi my bigbird feather hot babe....I love ya [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

<font color="#7063B5" size="1">[ May 25, 2003 04:43 PM: Message edited by: demon chloe ]</font>

**The Reverend Dark Angel** · May 25th, 2003, 10:02 PM

Heidi, can't I just do a little striptease for you and lick you from head to toe? I'll even provide the cigarette after sex, cause nothing says good sex like the cigarette after!

**sculpey** · May 25th, 2003, 10:31 PM

OK.......... having been "doing it" for as long as most of you have been alive, let me just throw in a comment here. Cause it's just something I've always wondered. Why is it us men who are always doing "it" wrong?

I won't divulge how many lovers I've had, but ladies, it's not always us. I've had lovers that were not at adept in the art of making love. But I never gave them a list of what they could improve at. Just as men vary in their skills, so do women. The important thing is not keeping a list of how bad someone was, but communicating what you find pleasurable with your partner. It is Ok to talk during the sex act.

Most of us crave nothing more than to please our partners. To me that is more important than my own pleasure. God gave me hands to pleasure myself if need be. Pleasing my wife is way above pleasing myself. And that gives me the greatest pleasure.

Does any of this make sense? Or am I totally in the minority among men these days?

**demon chloe** · May 26th, 2003, 12:38 AM

well coming from someone who's list of lovers can be counted on less than one hand...well it can be counted on less tha..well anyway...

i might not be good because maybe the few ive been with sucked....maybe i need a lil tutoring....

ooorrr........ well

ya know...

i gotta get outta here [img]redface.gif[/img]

**Father Dave** · May 26th, 2003, 01:03 AM

too many of us men spend the first 9 months of our lives trying to get out of there and the rest of our lives trying to get back in...

we can be a sad lot.

dave

**demon chloe** · May 26th, 2003, 01:08 AM

i need to rephrase that...

i didnt mean to say everybody sucked

not at all....

i was trying to say that its possible ... i am what i am...because of...

well you know

[img]redface.gif[/img]

**Father Dave** · May 26th, 2003, 02:26 AM

demonamy...you know how to get in touch with me... [img]graemlins/wonder.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/smarty.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/hmmm.gif[/img]

oh yeah...no ya don't...damn

[img]graemlins/cry.gif[/img]

**heidi!** · May 26th, 2003, 01:52 PM

*LOL*@ Sculp.......This was suppose to be a joke ...More than a list....however most of that list is true........and Im sure there must be some terrible women lovers out there too....But I have never had one... [img]redface.gif[/img]

**kissssssss to LOLanda... [img]graemlins/chat.gif[/img]